


Looking Back but Going Forward

by BaraLinni



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, Post-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2020-02-26 12:52:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18717463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaraLinni/pseuds/BaraLinni
Summary: Everything should be fine by now. After all, Isa got both his heart and his best friend back. And yet he can't help but feel like something – or someone – is missing





	1. Thinking of You

Sometimes, just as he was waking up, but still stuck in that place in-between dream and reality, Isa would feel like there was someone sleeping next to him – a warm presence pressed up against him. Sometimes he felt the comforting weight of an arm slung over his chest, and sometimes, he felt deep breaths puff against his neck.

Every time, his instinct was to roll over and reach out for that warmth, to wind his arm around a waist and nuzzle his face into a neck. And every time, when his arm passed through empty space and the illusion was broken, he wished that he hadn’t.

Those bittersweet moments often found their way into his thoughts, along with the memories his sleep-riddled brain so often tried to replicate. It was distracting, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to shut them out entirely. Even if they were only shadows of the past.

The sound of footsteps shuffling the sand brought Isa out of his thoughts in time to see Xion’s face peek out from behind him with a small smile.

“You know”, she said and leaned onto her arms on the tree trunk beside him, “you can come sit with the rest of us”. The ‘instead of sitting here, looking all lonely’ was apparent even though she didn’t say it out loud.

Isa’s lips twitched in an effort to smile back. It still didn’t feel right to act all friendly with Xion – or Roxas – after all he had said and done in the past. It didn’t feel like his place. “I know”.

Xion cocked her head to one side. “Then why don’t you?”

Truthfully, it was because Isa needed to think. About the past, how to atone for his actions in the present, and how to move on into the future. About what he had gained... and what he had lost. “The view is nice from here”, he answered, hoping that Xion would be content with that.

Xion hummed, clearly not convinced, and leaned her head on her arms. “Do you miss him?”

The question made Isa’s heart twinge uncomfortably, so bluntly put and delivered with such certainty that she was right that Isa saw no point in lying. “Sometimes”, he admitted, and Xion smiled almost sadly.

“Or a lot of the time?”

Isa’s defeated sigh was the yes he couldn’t bring himself to say out loud. “I know I shouldn’t, but...”

“I didn’t say that”, Xion interrupted his half-finished thought. She turned her eyes to the sun setting over the ocean. “Despite the things he did, you two still shared a connection”. She grew quiet for a moment before she continued. “I think you saw something in him that others didn’t”.

Isa followed her line of sight, exhaling at the soft orange sky. He had thought that, too, but he had never gotten to know for sure. “I’d like to think I did”.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Xion shift her arms on the tree trunk and turn her head back toward the beach, toward where all the others were talking excitedly. “I don’t think you should hide it”, she said softly. “Cherish what you had, and accept that you’ve lost it”. She sighed and turned her head to look down at her arms. “At least, that’s what I told myself”.

It was sound advice, and Isa knew that Xion was speaking from experience. Still, their situations were different. “But you got back what you’d lost”, he reminded her, biting back the words burning in his chest.

_I won’t._

Xion sighed and gave a small nod. “That’s true. I was lucky”. The warmth in her voice made Isa’s heart twinge in a different way. She was so clearly grateful for being back with her friends.

_So why can’t I?_

She shifted beside him again and began to draw shapes along the nicks and grooves in the bark. “I don’t know what I should tell you about him”, she began, “because I don’t want to give you false hopes. Just know that you still have us”. She turned her head to look up at him, and her smile was careful but genuine. “We’re all here for you, Isa”.

Isa watched her smile, thinking not for the first time that he didn’t truly deserve even this level of kindness. Maybe he would, someday, but for now, all he could bring himself to do was nod. “Thank you”.

Xion’s smile brightened a bit and she gave his elbow a light pat. “No problem”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it’s been a lot of months and I’m still not over anything about KHIII, so here comes my take on the Isa-centric post-canon I ~~crave~~ think we need and deserve. Also of course there will be XemSai because do you really expect me to resist?


	2. To the Dad Cave!

Isa was always silently thrown off when he saw what had become of Radiant Garden. The reconstruction was coming along nicely, but the town still bore the obvious scars of the past decade. And even though it may ultimately be rebuilt to look the same, everything about the town would always feel different.

Isa tried not to dwell too much on what had happened to his home and the people who had lived there all those years ago, but coming back to see it all again sent an uncomfortable tingle down his spine. He hadn’t known it back then, but he had taken part in causing the fall of Radiant Garden. And now, seeing it being so painstakingly rebuilt made the guilt flash brighter in his heart.

A slap to his arm made him turn his head to frown at Lea, who grinned back.

“You’re falling behind”, Lea pointed out and nodded toward Xion and Roxas disappearing through the castle gates.

The sight made memories of sneaking into the castle flash past in Isa’s mind before he shrugged them off and strode toward the gates himself. “I’m not behind you, am I?” he retorted as Lea took a couple of extra long steps to catch up.

“And that’s entirely thanks to the goodness of my heart”, Lea declared with an exaggerated hand motion.

Out of habit, Isa almost reminded him that they didn’t have hearts, before he bit back that comment and opted to stay quiet instead. After all, that wasn’t true anymore, and Isa was all too aware of it.

Once inside the castle they followed the hallway to the laboratory areas, where they found Roxas and Xion talking to Naminé.

Surprised, Isa quickly took in Naminé’s appearance – a white labcoat and her hair in a ponytail – and guessed that she was studying to become a scientist. He’d had no idea, but then, he was hardly close to Naminé in the first place.

Beside him, Lea did a double take. “Wow, Naminé, I didn’t know you were a scientist!” he said instead of a greeting, and Isa found a small solace in the fact that Lea hadn’t known either.

“An _apprentice_ scientist”, came a voice from further inside the room, and Even appeared from behind some sort of contraption. He stopped and straightened his back, giving Lea a distasteful look. “Lea”, he greeted, his polite tone doing nothing to hide his grudge.

“Even”, Lea responded with a charming smile before shifting his weight. “You know, I really think it’s about time we let go of the past. Live and let live, or so they say”.

Even’s eyes narrowed, his distaste growing even more intense. “Oh, I have let go, believe you me”, he said in a voice that made it painfully clear that he had no plans of letting anything go anytime soon.

Isa deemed this to be the time to silently walk away and find somewhere else to spend his time. Somewhere quiet and not oozing with animosity.

He found this ‘somewhere’ a couple of doors down; a laboratory, empty aside from the equipment. The setup looked vaguely familiar, and Isa idly tried to recall if he had seen it before.

As he studied the equipment, a memory suddenly flashed through his mind of Vexen, showing Xemnas a meticulously drawn blueprint. Saïx had stood beside Xemnas and overseen the blueprints and diagrams, despite Vexen’s initial protests and insistence that this project should be kept absolutely confidential.

 _“I have confidence in Saïx”,_ Xemnas had said, and Saïx had felt a tingling in his spine that, back then, he had attributed to the knowledge that he had gained Xemnas’s trust, just as he had planned. As he thought back now, Isa realised that that tingling would be better described as pride.

Vexen had huffed but proceeded to explain the purpose and workings of and requirements for the equipment. Saïx would have been lying if he’d said that he understood it all, but he’d understood well enough that this was indeed an important project that was best kept a secret.

When Vexen had finished his explanation, Xemnas had done what he had gotten into the habit of doing; he turned to Saïx.

 _“What do you think?”_ he had asked, and Saïx had felt that same tingling again, but kept his face carefully blank as he answered.

_“I think that the Replica program could be of great use to the Organization”._

Isa didn’t realise that he was moving until his fingertips connected with the metal casing of the replica machine. This contraption had caused such trouble and such joy, and yet it didn’t even have the decency to look all that extraordinary. Isa let his fingers slide along the metal as he began to walk around the machine, for no other reason than to pass the time.

Once he had moved around to the back, however, he spotted something in the far corner of the room. Curious, he walked closer until his suspicions were confirmed.

It was a replica, wrapped in a white sheet, lain out on an examining table with its blank face turned toward the ceiling. Its unseeing eyes reminded Isa of how he had seen Xion, both in the original Organization and in the new one. A completely blank face, with no distinguishing features. Just a puppet made to serve a purpose – a function – and nothing more.

He wondered what the purpose of this replica was. Was it a spare – a backup? Or a defect? Was that why it had been left there?

As he walked even closer, Isa found himself wondering whose face this replica had been meant to wear – what person it had been meant to become.

Gently, as if afraid that he might actually wake it up, Isa reached out with one hand and caressed his fingertips along the replica’s forehead. As expected, nothing happened.

Isa huffed at himself, surprised that he almost felt disappointed, and retracted his hand. At that moment, he heard something from the direction of the door, and he turned to find Aeleus watching him from the doorway. They looked at each other for a moment, silently, until Aeleus spoke.

“You’re alone”.

Aeleus had always been a man of few words, but he also had a way of conveying his thoughts without actually voicing them, and Isa recognised that those two words held several layers of knowing and questioning.

“I grew tired of the banter”, he said in a half-hearted attempt to steer the conversation away from himself. It didn’t work, judging by Aeleus’s unconvinced look and crossed arms. Isa sighed and walked toward the door, aiming to squeeze past and end the conversation. “On second thought, I should make sure Lea isn’t causing any trouble”, he offered as an excuse and a goodbye as he slipped out into the hallway, leaving Aeleus leaning back against the doorframe.

“There is something on your mind”, Aeleus said, and Isa halted his steps. With the weight that statement had held, there was a good chance that Aeleus – like Xion – suspected that a lot of Isa’s thoughts involved Xemnas.

Isa sighed to himself and turned to look over his shoulder. “Is it that obvious?”

Aeleus nodded, something unreadable in his eyes, and Isa averted his own eyes.

He stayed still for a beat more before he resumed walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I don't think Lea is the most popular person around the castle at the moment


	3. To Our Surprise

“Do you think I should get a job?”

Isa glanced over at Lea as he plopped down beside him on the couch. “You could start with getting an education”, he suggested.

Lea huffed. “Low blow. And it’s not like you’ve had any more of an education than I have”.

Isa gave half a shrug. “Then let’s go together. I can’t imagine education meant for sixteen-year-olds would prove a challenge”.

Lea snorted a laugh and slid down further on the couch. “Now wouldn’t that be something”.

Conversations like these, with just the two of them, were the closest thing to ‘normal’ in Isa’s life at this point, however strained they felt. They had hardly spoken about anything other than their plan during those last few years in the Organization, and the distance that had grown between them felt unfamiliar to traverse. And yet, these moments, when they were talking and taking tentative jabs at each other, were what made Isa truly believe that they were patching things up.

A sound coming from the kitchen area made them both turn their heads, and it took a moment to connect the upbeat melody to the Gummi Phone they had been given. Before either of them had made any effort to get up and answer it, they heard hurried footsteps and Xion entered Isa’s peripheral vision as she rushed toward the kitchenette.

She hurriedly pushed aside some newspapers and retrieved the phone from beneath them, answering excitedly. “Xion here!”

“I can see that”, came Ienzo’s reply from the other end, and Isa thought he could see Xion’s face fall slightly. “Are you all there? I have urgent news”.

“We’re here”, Xion answered and lowered the phone as she raised her voice. “Roxas! Phone!” she called while she walked over to the couch.

Roxas appeared from his room just as Xion sat down and held out the phone so that everyone would be able to see the screen, and he quickly squeezed himself between Lea and Xion to join the conversation.

“Ienzo”, Lea greeted with a smile. “What’s up?”

“A problem”, Ienzo answered curtly. “A replica has gone missing”.

His words were met with a beat of silence.

“You mean like”, Roxas said, “by itself? Can they do that?”

Unless Isa was very much mistaken, Ienzo’s voice hinted at barely contained sarcasm. “An astute question as always, Roxas”, he said and adopted the overly patient look of someone who would not be explaining something to you twice. “Replicas cannot function without a heart of some sort. So unless this one has accidentally received a lost heart or somehow spontaneously grown one of its own, theft is also a possibility”.

Roxas nodded, and Ienzo almost looked relieved to continue.

“We’ll send the Gummi Ship over on autopilot. Be there or it will leave without you”, he instructed them, and Lea snorted.

“Sounds like that would be a waste of fuel, but I’m sure you weighed your options”.

His comment went ignored by Ienzo, whose eyes moved as if he was looking them all in the eyes. “Any more questions?”

Isa’s line of sight was suddenly cut off when Lea raised his hand in front of his face. “Yeah, can I drive?”

Isa could hear the sternness in Ienzo’s voice that barely masked his exasperation. “No, you cannot. The ship will be on autopilot”.

“Oh yeah?” Lea lowered his hand, and with it, his voice, making him sound almost threatening. “What if I disable it?”

Ienzo’s face was a perfect mask as he smiled through the phone. “Not to worry, you won’t”.

~~

The flight was uneventful, thanks to the autopilot, and once they arrived in Radiant Garden, they were briefed on the situation by Ienzo. The others – including Ansem the Wise and Naminé – had already spread out to search the town.

“So your job”, Ienzo informed them, “is to search the ravine outside town. If the replica has indeed been stolen, do not engage the thief, and instead find backup. We do not know who would steal a replica”, he added when both Roxas and Lea puffed out their chests, ready to object, “so we can’t afford to take any chances”.

“And if there is no thief?” Roxas asked, a challenging tone in his voice.

Either Ienzo was unaware of the challenge, or he simply chose to ignore it. “If that is the case and the replica shows no signs of aggression, then you should try to bring it back here”.

“Alright”, Lea said and stretched his arms, “sounds simple enough, so let’s go!”

Isa followed silently as Lea led the way through town, only half listening as Lea talked about growing up in Radiant Garden; where they sold the best ice cream, where Isa and he had used to hang out, and where they’d gotten into trouble.

Instead, Isa’s thoughts wandered, as they had grown prone to doing. And though he tried to steer them onto more practical subjects, they ended up in the same place as always: tangled in silver hair and enveloped in a voice soft like velvet.

Isa barely registered that they had walked through the hole in the town wall and onto the ravine trail until Lea turned around and grinned at him.

“How do you think we should do this?” he asked, but in Isa’s mind, his voice was overlaid with a deeper voice.

_“What do you think, Saïx?”_

He averted his eyes, camouflaging it as taking in their surroundings as he considered their plan of action. “We’ll split up”, he quickly decided, and continued in a level, factual tone of voice. “Two on the cliffs; one on each side. Two at the bottom, one going forward and one going back the other way. We’ll keep track of each other in case anyone finds the replica or needs backup”.

He felt a sting of guilt when he realised how he may have just sounded too much like his old self, issuing orders without a thought of how the mission might affect the people undertaking them. There was a slapping sound and the guilt was exchanged for the sting of having been whacked on the arm.

“And there’s our plan, nice work!” Lea exclaimed as Isa shot him a disapproving look. “Then it’s Isa and me at the top, and you two kids on the ground. Can’t have you falling and getting a boo-boo”, he grinned and reached out to ruffled Roxas’s and Xion’s hair, effectively cutting off any complaints about the arrangement for the moment.

When Roxas and Xion managed to get free, they crossed their arms and turned to each other.

“Hear that, Roxas?” Xion asked and cocked her head to the side. “Lea thinks we kids are safer on the ground”.

Roxas nodded in contemplation. “Sure sounds that way”, he agreed and suddenly cupped a hand behind his ear. “What’s that? Do I hear something creaking?”

Xion hummed and cupped a hand behind her ear. “You’re right, Roxas”, she nodded. “It sounds like Lea’s creaky old man joints are acting up again”.

“Hey now”, Lea protested as they both broke into a fit of giggles. “I’m a young man in my prime, you can’t just take that away from me like that”.

The corner of Isa’s lips twitched at the exchange, but they were here on a mission, and the sooner they got started, the better. “Be that as it may, we have a job to do”, he reminded them and started forward. “I’ll go on ahead. Xion, Roxas, you’re on the cliffs. Lea, on the ground”. He left Lea’s complaints and Roxas’s and Xion’s cheers behind and proceeded along the path, surveying the area for signs of anything passing through there recently.

As he walked, he felt his senses work up toward their peak, his hearing and sense of smell amplifying until he could pick up the tiniest sounds and faintest smells. He exited the empty Crystal Fissure and took a deep breath. He smelled fresh air with a hint of rain, and fresh dirt where something had made a scuff mark on the ground. He walked closer to the mark, trying to discern what had made it. There was no definite shape to the track, but it smelled synthetic. Whoever made it had been wearing shoes.

Isa found himself licking his lips and came to a realisation: he was enjoying this.

He hadn’t realised how cooped up he had felt in the apartment, trying to make his life make sense again, until this moment, when the wind turned and brought with it the smell of faraway flowers and another hint of fresh dirt. He was on a mission now. He had a purpose. And he was enjoying it.

Spurred on by the new lead, Isa continued across the wide open Maw and onto the path that would lead him toward the outlook over the castle ruins. He had met Sora there, he remembered, but his mind was too focused on the hunt to pay that detail any closer attention.

As he neared the ledge at the end of the path, he slowed his strides and breathed in deeply while listening intently. He heard no sounds, but he could smell that same synthetic material from the tracks in the Maw.

He briefly considered getting the others, but decided against it. His gut was telling him that whoever it was, they were alone. Besides, it would be counteractive to pull everyone from their search, should this turn out not to be the replica. Isa smelled the air again, just to be sure, before he stepped out onto the ledge.

A lone figure was standing near the edge of the cliff, wearing a black coat with the hood up.

Without knowing why, Isa felt his heart beat faster, and he carefully walked toward the figure, stopping just behind them.

The figure turned around, and Isa detected a small hint of another scent hidden beneath the synthetic smell as they moved. The scent was familiar, somehow, but it was too faint to make out properly.

The figure tilted their head, and Isa got the impression they were smiling within the darkness of their hood. “I was hoping you would find me”, they spoke in a low, smooth rumble as they removed their hood, and Isa’s heart stopped.

“... Xemnas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh _wow_ , what a plot twist, huh <3 And what a... _cliffhanger..._


	4. Welcome Back?

“This is so much worse than I thought”, Even muttered as he paced around the room. “Much, _much_ worse”.

Ansem the Wise watched him with a placating look. “Calm down, Even”, he tried, and Even whipped around to glare at him.

“I _am_ calm”, he snapped, and Ansem sighed.

Ienzo folded his arms and lifted a hand to his chin. “At any rate, we need to figure out what to do with him, quickly”.

Even hummed as he continued on his trek. “Until we know more, it wouldn’t be safe to have him stay here. Not after what happened last time”.

Dilan nodded. “But we can’t just throw him out and leave him unattended”.

A thought formed in Isa’s mind, and he heard himself voice it before he had even considered it properly himself. “He could stay with us”.

Even finally stopped his pacing as everyone went quiet and turned toward Isa. Everyone except Lea, who whipped around to stare at him, gesticulating wildly with his hands as his voice rose.

“Are you out of your _mind?_ He’s dangerous!” he exclaimed, and Isa felt a twinge in his heart.

_We don’t know that for sure._

His voice was deliberately level with just a hint of accusation when he answered. “Are you saying the four of us couldn’t take him on?”

Lea shook his hands like he was trying desperately to come up with what to say to dissuade him. “Isa”, he finally said, “he’s _Xehanort!_ ”

“Xehanort is gone”, Isa countered. “You watched it happen yourself”.

Behind Lea, Ienzo furrowed his brow. “Yes, but is he really?” he said slowly, clearly thinking it over carefully. “If his Nobody could come back...”

“Then perhaps _he_ could come back, too”, Ansem finished his thought.

“Moreover, we still don’t know _how_ he came back”, Even reminded them as his hand came up to tap his fingers against his temple. “For all we know, this could be part of some new plan”.

“I don’t know”, Xion spoke up, sounding uncertain, “I thought Xehanort looked pretty done”.

Ansem the Wise smiled ruefully and shook his head. “That may be, but you never know with Xehanort”.

Dilan cocked his head to one side and shrugged. “Well, there’ll be no harm in asking Xemnas, will there?” He crossed his arms and leaned back against a table. “Who knows, he might even tell us the truth this time”.

“Assuming he knows the truth to begin with”, Ansem interjected. “Xehanort has manipulated people without their knowing before; who’s to say that he hasn’t done it again?”

Isa was growing tired of this fruitless back and forth, and he had the feeling that it would go on even longer if no one stepped in. “Then the logical thing to do is keep him under surveillance”, he said, cutting off the conversation and directing the attention to himself. “And since you do not want him here and few others would know the implications of his return, it would be safest to have him stay with us”, he concluded. “We have three Keyblade wielders; that should be enough to restrain him, should things get out of hand”.

Isa left himself out of the equation on purpose. His powers were a force to be reckoned with, for sure – close to unstoppable – but Xemnas had always been the exception. One look from Xemnas could stop him in his tracks, his presence shining through his blind rage like a beacon. If it came down to it, Isa didn't know if he could land a blow on Xemnas. He hoped he would not have to find out.

The room fell silent as everyone considered his suggestion. Isa saw looks being exchanged between the apprentices and between Lea, Roxas and Xion. He saw no point in entering those quiet conversations himself; he had already made his point. Even as he thought that, however, he accidentally locked eyes with Xion. She watched him with a look that was both curious and knowing, and he answered with a neutral face that he hoped did not give away his thoughts.

Finally, Dilan broke the silence. “We should hear what Aeleus has to say before we decide”, he said, and the others nodded.

“Fair enough”, Lea agreed. He tried to catch Isa’s eye, but Isa was already walking through the door and into the next room, where they had left Xemnas with Aeleus and Naminé.

The thought had been to have Naminé get help while Aeleus restrained Xemnas, should it come to that. Evidently, it had not, as they were all calmly seated in the exact same chairs as when the others had left.

“Aeleus, switch”, Dilan said and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder, toward where the other apprentices were waiting outside the door.

Aeleus nodded and stood up, letting Dilan take his chair as he left the room.

Xion and Roxas took the seats beside Naminé, and Lea leaned his back against the wall by the door. In the silence that followed, Isa decided to lean back against a table between Xemnas and Naminé.

Xemnas’s eyes moved between them, unrushed. “You are deciding what to do with me”, he observed, almost sounding amused.

“That’s one way to put it”, Dilan muttered, and there was silence again.

Xemnas tilted his head to the side. “And what are the options?” His sweeping gaze met with Isa’s as if by accident, and Isa felt like he had been locked in place. “Do tell, I am curious”.

“As if we’d tell you anything”, Lea’s voice rang through the room, and Isa became aware that he had opened his mouth to answer.

He closed his mouth and found himself glancing over at Xemnas, taking in as much of his appearance as he could as discreetly as possible. It felt unreal, seeing him again, even though he had secretly hoped that it would happen. Isa took a deep breath and could easily pick out Xemnas’s scent among those in the room. However unreal it felt, everything about Xemnas seemed to be exactly how he remembered it.

Suddenly, Xemnas’s eyes met his again, and Isa felt his heart jump. The corner of Xemnas’s mouth twitched into a tiny smile that made Isa think back on discrete touches and glances, and he found himself mirroring that smile.

The sound of the door opening made them both look away and watch as Even entered the room.

“We’re all meeting again”, he informed them and looked at Dilan. “Dilan, you’re on guard”.

Dilan nodded in confirmation, but Isa found himself intervening.

“I can stay”.

Suddenly, everyone’s attention was on him again, and Isa calmly met Even’s eyes, ignoring Lea’s disbelieving look. “You already know my opinion on the matter”, he pointed out, and Even glanced over at Xemnas and then at Dilan, who shrugged.

Even narrowed his eyes at Isa. “Alright”, he eventually agreed. “I trust you can handle yourself”.

Isa nodded and Even disappeared through the door, followed by the others.

As Lea left, he looked back over his shoulder, something a bit too much like concern on his face, and Isa answered it with a confident smile. Lea did not look entirely convinced, but he still left, closing the door behind himself.

Isa watched the door, listening intently to see if anyone would stay behind to stand guard, but as far as he could tell, nobody did.

Instead, his attention was drawn by the sound of shifting fabric beside him, and he turned his head to see Xemnas changing his posture in his chair.

“They are afraid of me”, Xemnas stated. He sounded dismayed at the fact.

Isa neatly lifted himself into sitting on the table he had been leaning against, crossing his legs out of habit. “I wouldn’t say that”, he countered.

Xemnas gave him an intrigued look. “No? Then what would you say?”

Isa clasped his hands over his knee, idly kicking his foot in thought. “Perhaps wary would be a better word”, he concluded, and Xemnas let out an amused-sounding huff.

“I suppose that is an improvement”, he said and shifted again to lean his head onto one hand, his eyes now entirely fixed on Isa. “And what about you?”

_“What do you think, Saïx?”_

Isa met his gaze and was overcome by an intense certainty. “I have no reason to fear you”, he said, and Xemnas’s lips curled upwards again.

“That is a bold statement to make”, he commented, and there was a quiet playfulness in his voice that felt both familiar and brand new.

Isa shook his head with a smile. “It’s simply the truth, as I see it”.

Xemnas hummed in response, and they sat in silence after that.

Isa was content with the silence. It gave him more time to watch and listen, committing each detail to memory just in case this would not last.

The silence, naturally, did not last. It was broken by the door swinging open and Ansem the Wise stepping into the room, his apprentices hovering behind him.

“We have reached a decision”, he announced, and Isa had a brief moment of feeling like he was on trial, his heart suddenly hammering in his chest.

Anseml looked between the two of them before he finally revealed the decision. “Xemnas will be staying with you, under surveillance. He will not be left to his own devices during any extended period of time, and he will not leave Twilight Town”.

Xemnas nodded in acknowledgement, a tiny quirk at the corner of his mouth. “Then he will accept these terms”.

Isa felt his own lips twitch, but he kept his face neutral as he nodded. “There will be no cause for alarm”, he promised, and Ansem gave him a strangely suspicious look before he turned and walked away.

“The Gummi Ship will fly you back”, Ienzo informed them from the doorway, and his eyes darted over to the side in a glare, “on autopilot”.

Isa pictured Lea’s disappointed frown as he slid down from his perch on the table and easily fell into stride behind Xemnas.

As Xemnas exited the room, the others joined up with him as an escort, walking him out of the castle and toward the Gummi Ship.

Before Isa could follow them through the castle gates, he was pulled aside by a hand on his arm.

“Hey, Isa”, Lea murmured, clearly not wanting to be overheard. “Are you sure about this?”

Isa took a second to gather his resolve before he answered. “I am”, he said with conviction, meeting Lea’s eyes steadily. “And I will take full responsibility _if_ anything happens”.

Lea stared back at him intently, brow furrowed, before raising his hands in surrender. “Alright”, he conceded and turned to walk toward the Gummi Ship. As he passed Xemnas, he turned his head to address him. “You can have the couch”.

Xemnas’s mouth twitched and he bowed his head. “Thank you”.

Lea didn’t acknowledge his response and climbed into the Gummi Ship without another word, followed by Roxas and Xion.

When Isa reached the ship, the apprentices stepped back to make room for takeoff, and Isa found himself alone with Xemnas again. It felt like he should say something, but he didn’t know what.

He took a deep breath, feeling Xemnas’s scent mixing with the fresh air and the indescribable smell of Gummi blocks. When he opened his eyes – which he did not recall closing – Xemnas was watching him. Isa gave him a crooked smile and got one back in turn, and he felt a small fluttering in his chest that persisted even after they entered the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a pretty off day which means it's time for some XemSai~


	5. Sleep At Last

Isa had thought that having Xemnas back would help him sleep better. As he tossed and turned and kicked his legs, he concluded that, alas, this was not the case. Of course, he hadn’t expected his sleeping issues to be entirely resolved overnight, but it would have been nice to see at least a small improvement.

Exasperated, he flopped onto his back and closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would come if he just pretended hard enough. Instead, the newly found silence was interrupted by a creaking noise and what may have been a sigh coming from the other side of his closed bedroom door. Isa lay still and listened, and heard more creaking, followed by a thud and an annoyed grunt.

So, Xemnas was awake, too, huh. Isa may not have found that as strange, had he not had personal experience with Xemnas’s sleeping habits. He was never one for tossing about, usually settling in quickly and very rarely moving after that, except in order to shift closer.

Isa curled his fingers into his pillow at the memory, his mind trying for the thousandth time to conjure up an illusion of that comforting warmth beside him. It never worked, except for those mornings when he was still mostly asleep and could almost believe it for a second before reality shone through.

Isa slammed his fist down into the mattress with a soft thump. It wouldn’t do to think about what had been; it only ever made it even harder to fall asleep.

In his determination to physically detach himself from his thoughts, he found himself getting up and walking out of his room, immediately feeling Xemnas’s eyes on him in the half-darkness. He nodded toward the couch. “Is there room?”

He heard fabric rustling as Xemnas sat up and nodded. “There is”.

Isa silently made his way over and sat down beside him, close enough to feel the heat radiating off of him. It felt good. Or no, good wasn’t the word, but Isa couldn’t think of how to describe it.

He breathed in deeply, letting Xemnas’s scent linger in his mind for a while before breathing out.

Xemnas stayed quiet, idly watching Isa through the corner of his eye. It felt nice, the silence. It wasn’t awkward or strained. Rather, it was familiar. It reminded Isa of all those times they had spent together, not speaking, but simply appreciating being near each other.

The memory made something surge within Isa, and he decided on a whim to let his heart guide him. After all, he’d better get some use out of it, considering all the trouble he went through to get it back. “The couch isn’t really that comfortable”, he said, his voice blending with the calm instead of shattering it.

Beside him, Xemnas shook his head. “It is adequate”.

Isa smiled at the expected response and clasped his hands over his knees. “You could sleep in my bed”, he offered, and Xemnas gave him a curious look. Isa took a deep breath and met his eyes as he elaborated. “With me”.

He could tell even through the gloom that Xemnas’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second in what he hoped was pleasant surprise.

A second passed, and a couple more, and Isa was almost beginning to doubt his impulsive suggestion when Xemnas nodded.

“It would be more comfortable than the couch”, he agreed, and Isa’s heart fluttered.

Isa unclasped his hands to push himself onto his feet, and his heart skipped a beat when his fingers brushed against Xemnas’s.

He hardly had any recollection of the short walk to his room, his brain only managing to start up again when he moved over on the mattress to make room for Xemnas. He felt Xemnas settle into the bed and in an instant, there was nothing more important in Isa’s life than to press himself as close to him as possible. He shifted closer until their chests were pressed flush against each other and he could sneak one hand behind Xemnas’s back to grasp onto his shirt.

Xemnas made a small noise and wound his arms around Isa’s back, enveloping him in his warmth and his scent.

Isa nuzzled his face into the crook of Xemnas’s neck and breathed in, a sense of tranquility falling over him. Xemnas’s breaths above him were steady and his arms around him were gentle and, in the last seconds before sleep overtook him, Isa finally found the perfect way to describe this feeling:

It felt right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually the first thing I wrote for this because I wanted soft cuddles, and then it turned into a whole multichapter conspiracy theory and I honestly think I’m very much okay with that


	6. First Day

Isa hadn’t felt this at ease upon waking up in a long time. Xemnas still had an arm slung over him, his chest moving with his deep breaths while Isa idly trailed his fingers along Xemnas’s collarbone, waiting for his caffeine headache to grow prominent enough to force him out of bed.

It was a tranquil scene, and it was so familiar that Isa could almost imagine the constant, almost undetectable hum of the Castle That Never Was. He couldn’t count the times he had woken up like this, back in the Organization. He let his fingers glide down Xemnas’s chest and found himself smiling at those memories.

When the familiar throbbing behind his eyes started becoming too much to bear, he let out a heavy sigh and disentangled himself from Xemnas’s embrace before carefully climbing over him. As Xemnas shifted beneath him, he made a mental note to have Xemnas sleep by the wall from then on. Isa always woke up first anyway, and Xemnas could get cranky if woken up too early.

Isa had already had a decent amount of coffee and felt considerably more awake by the time Xemnas appeared in the doorway. He watched Xemnas’s normally graceful movements now turned sluggish, and inclined his head toward the coffee maker. “I made coffee”.

Xemnas gave him an unimpressed look. “You know I don’t care for coffee”, he reminded him as he made his way toward the coffee pot regardless.

Isa smiled against the rim of his mug. “And I know you drink it anyway. Milk’s in the fridge, sugar’s up here”, he said and tapped the cupboard at his shoulder.

Xemnas murmured in confirmation and shuffled around the small kitchenette to collect everything he needed to make his coffee somewhat palatable.

Isa watched him idly and wondered if he should try to instigate a conversation. He hadn’t yet made up his mind when a door opened and Xion appeared, giving Isa an uncertain smile.

“Morning”, she greeted, and Isa nodded, his mouth full of coffee at the moment. Xion had barely taken a step before Lea's door flew open and he strode toward the kitchen area with purpose.

“You're up early”, he said in lieu of an actual 'good morning', the suspicious look he shot Xemnas betraying his flippant tone of voice.

“I always am”, Isa reminded him, a discreet warning in his voice. He was not going to stand for anyone starting anything at this hour. Their neighbours deserved better.

Lea seemed to pick up on the warning, as he made sure to give Isa a sullen look on his way toward the toaster.

Sometime during that exchange, Roxas had entered the kitchenette, too, and as Isa stood pressed up against the counter, he became aware that this boxed in corner of the apartment was not meant to hold five people.

He lifted his coffee mug to take a sip, and his elbow brushed against Xemnas's side. The touch made him glance over to find Xemnas glancing back at him, and Isa found himself marvelling over their situation. Isa, his best friend whom he had nearly abandoned, his best friend's friends that he had mocked and insulted, and his former boss and office romance who had tried to kill his best friend and _his_ friends, were all crammed into a tiny kitchenette, trying to make breakfast at the same time. The absurdity of the whole setup made Isa's lips quirk up in a disbelieving smile that he hid by taking another sip of coffee.

“Okay, so”, Lea spoke up, “we should plan how we're gonna deal with this. I’d rather there were always at least two people here, in case something happens. And we should ask for a second Gummi Phone so we can get in touch with each other”.

Isa didn't like his hostile tone of voice. “Are you planning to keep him locked up here all the time?”

Lea gave him a completely serious look. “Essentially, yes”.

Isa narrowed his eyes at him and opened his mouth to object, when Roxas spoke before him.

“About that”, he said and scratched at his head, “I kind of promised Hayner and the others that we’d hang out today”.

“I can stay”, Xion offered, but Lea shook his head.

“That’s alright, you kids go play. I can stay as long as someone gets the groceries”.

“You mean the microwave pizzas?” Roxas asked with a grin, and Lea smiled back.

“You got it”.

Isa wasn't sure that he wanted to be alone with Lea and Xemnas, what with how Lea was acting, but he supposed that it was inevitable. He took another drink of his coffee, steeling himself for a day of tense silence and spiteful jabs.

~~

Despite his expectations, there was actually not a single attempt at a spiteful jab all day, which of course meant that they were instead stuck in a never-ending tense silence. Isa had always been comfortable with silence – had oftentimes preferred it, to be honest – but seeing Lea so quiet felt strange in every conceivable way, even not counting the venomous look he had Xemnas fixed with.

Isa barely contained a sigh of relief when the apartment door opened and Roxas and Xion finally returned. He stretched and checked the time and noted that it was – thankfully – getting rather late. The day had been incredibly dull save for the tension between them, and as a result, Isa felt more tired than he had in a long time. Going to sleep would honestly be a blessing.

Lea shifted in the armchair he had been occupying all day, leaning his head to both sides with two audible cracks. “Welcome back”, he said, his voice slightly hoarse from disuse.

“We got some fruits and veggies too”, Xion said as she carried the bags into the kitchenette.

“Yeah, don't want you getting scurvy or anything”, Roxas added and leaned his skateboard up against the wall.

“You're too kind”, Lea smiled and got up with a meaningful glance over at Isa. “I'll be in the kitchen”.

Isa bit back an irritated comment and just nodded instead. He honestly couldn't wait to go to sleep and be rid of Lea's suspicious looks, at least for a while.

Finally, after the groceries had been unpacked, dinner had been had, and an awkward tooth brushing session had taken place with too many people in a too small bathroom, Lea gave Xemnas one last suspicious look and disappeared into his room.

Isa lingered until Xion and Roxas had closed the doors to their rooms too before he turned and walked toward his own room, fully expecting Xemnas to follow. When he felt a distinct lack of a presence behind himself, he turned around and cocked an eyebrow.  “Are you coming?”

Xemnas hesitated for only a moment before nodding and following him, to Isa's delight.

Isa changed into the tank top he slept in and watched Xemnas pull the one he had borrowed over his head, the fabric straining slightly over his chest.

Xemnas seemed to hesitate briefly again before climbing into bed, but he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Isa when he joined him beneath the blanket.

Isa tucked his head underneath Xemnas's chin and fitted himself against his body, already feeling sleep creep up on him. A hand stroked his hair gently, and Isa let out a content sigh as he was lulled to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this as I go so updates will be incredibly irregular, but rest assured that I won't give up on it easily~ <3


	7. Visitors

The second full day of Xemnas living with them was proving to be much too similar to the first, and Isa was quickly growing tired of the constant wary looks and stares. Just as he was about to give a dry comment on this cozy arrangement, there was a knock at the door.

The silence felt even more silent after that.

After a few seconds of everyone sitting as if frozen, Lea shot Xemnas another suspicious glare before finally getting up to get the door.

“Oh, you're home!” they heard Ventus say. “We were starting to think you weren't”.

“Uh, yeah, we're having kind of a... situation”, Lea explained, though not very eloquently.

In his chair, Roxas rolled his eyes. “Lea, stop blocking the door and let them in”, he called, and Lea finally returned to the living room followed by Ventus, Terra and Aqua.

As soon as they laid eyes on Xemnas, they froze. Their horrified looks and the shocked silence made it easy to draw a simple conclusion.

“You don't know about me, do you?” Xemnas stated, and there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

Both Aqua and Ventus moved into a more defensive stance half in front of Terra while Lea sighed.

“Yeah, I figured you of all people would react like that”, he said with a pointed look at Isa which went ignored just as pointedly.

“Xemnas came back as a replica, just like Xion and Roxas”, Isa explained. “He's staying here for the time being”.

Even as Ventus nodded in understanding, he narrowed his eyes. “Why'd you come back, though?”

Xemnas gave him one of his usual, cryptic smiles. “I couldn't say”, he said and leaned back in his seat. “I have no recollection of what transpired between my demise and my rebirth”.

“As you've told us”, Lea commented dryly. “Convenient, isn't it?”

“Lea”, Isa warned him with a sharp glare.

Lea simply waved his hands in an innocent gesture. “I'm just saying, doesn't it seem suspicious that he doesn't remember anything? And now his former vessel suddenly shows up out of nowhere”, he moved his gaze from Terra to stop on Isa, “while he's staying in the same house as another one”.

That was it. Isa felt his hands tense with the urge to curl into fists and he stood up, his eyes and voice equally cold. “Lea, can we talk?” He didn't wait for confirmation before he turned and marched into his room, adopting a determined stance while Lea meandered in behind him and closed the door. “Why are you acting like this?” he questioned immediately.

Lea raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“Don't act like you don't know”, Isa snapped, annoyed by Lea's half-hearted attempt to feign innocence.

Lea crossed his arms over his chest, a look of defiance in his eyes. “In case you've forgotten, he's nearly killed all of us several times”.

Isa scowled. Lea was right, there was no point denying that, which only served to make Isa even more irritated. “He's not trying to kill anyone now”, he countered, and Lea began frantically waving his hands as he spoke.

“But what if he is?” he insisted. “We don't know _anything_ of what he's planning! Heck, for all we know, he could still be Xehanort!”

Isa felt his hands grip his own arms tightly. “He's not Xehanort, and he never was. You know that”.

Lea had the audacity to _laugh._ “Oh, _do_ I now?” he drawled, a look dangerously close to contempt in his eyes. “I think you're forgetting that you had a lot of _exclusive insight_ when it came to Xemnas”.

Isa did _not_ like where this was going. “If you think that I'm biased just because of-”

“But you _are_ ”, Lea interrupted him, making another spike of irritation surge through Isa, “and it annoys the crap out of me that you don't seem to realise it yourself!” He turned his gaze to the floor, shaking his head before he looked back at Isa with an almost pleading look. “Think about it, Isa. You're the only one who's not scared to death when he's around. Doesn't that speak for itself?”

Isa was quickly regretting instigating this attempt at a conversation at all. “So what do you want me to do?” he snapped, not caring what he said anymore as long as it put an end to this farce. “Sign a blood pact with him to keep him under control?”

Lea nodded pointedly to Isa's face. “Like he did to you, you mean”.

Isa had honestly expected better than such a low blow. “You're unbelievable”, he said, and Lea was back to gesturing wildly again.

“So are you! After all that talk of me abandoning you and her, here you are doing the same thing!”

That comment made Isa's blood both freeze up and grow boiling hot at the same time. “I'm not abandoning either of you!”

“But you're not even trying to look for her!” Lea insisted, as if he knew _anything._

“Neither are you”, Isa pointed out, “and with good reason! We missed out on ten years of being human, we have our hands full trying to figure out life again!”

Lea had a dark look on his face and an unnatural edge to his voice. “Well, we wouldn't _have_ our hands full if we didn't have to babysit a murderer!”

“ _Do not speak of him that way!_ ” Isa shouted before he could catch himself, and Lea snorted humourlessly.

“Oh, so is _that_ what's going to make you get defensive? Did I hit a sore spot? Sore like your _face_ was when _he-_ ”

“ _Be quiet!_ ” Isa roared, his temper flaring as he felt his hair stand on end. _No,_ a small voice in his head whispered. _Not to Lea, and not here._ Focusing on that tiny voice, Isa tried to calm down, but his blood was already boiling with rage, and his focus kept slipping.

While Isa clutched at his face, Lea began to back away. “Isa...” he said, his voice artificially level. “It's okay, calm down”.

Those words made Isa's face twitch with anger. He _knew_ he needed to calm down, he didn't need anyone to _tell him_ to! He watched Lea's hands, held up in a soothing gesture, or to defend himself. He sneered. It would be so easy to lunge at him. Isa _wanted_ to lunge at him.

 _“Isa”._ Lea's voice sounded distant, almost entirely drowned out by the sound of blood rushing through Isa's veins. _“Isa, it's okay, please trust me”._

 _Trust him?_ Isa scoffed, but it turned into a snarl. Trust was supposed to go both ways, wasn't it? So why was Lea refusing to even _listen to him?_ Why wouldn't he even _try!?_ Isa felt his muscles twitch as he crouched slightly, his mind and body ready to charge and _tear apart everything_ in his way until there was _nothing left!_

But then, a warm hand slipped beneath his hair, gently brushing the back of his neck.

“Isa”, Xemnas's voice cut through the haze like light through darkness, “it's time to stop”.

Isa shivered as that velvety voice resonated through him, and he felt the rage instantly drain from his body to be replaced by the soothing warmth radiating from where Xemnas's hand rested against his skin. He swayed on his feet, feeling disoriented as per usual at having been knocked out of his rage, and reached out blindly, grabbing onto Xemnas to steady himself. Through unfocused eyes, he saw Lea scowl at them before striding past them to exit the room, closing the door with more force than was required. A couple seconds later, another door closed, presumably Lea's.

Isa blinked to clear his head before looking up at Xemnas, who gave him a rueful smile. They'd heard the argument through the door, then. In what capacity, Isa couldn't be sure, but it would be clear to anyone who they had been arguing about. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He hadn't meant for things to go that far. He never did, nowadays, but feelings and emotions were so much harder to control than his time in the Organization would suggest.

He took a deep breath, feeling more steady on his feet now, and nodded to Xemnas. “Thank you. For stopping me”.

Xemnas hummed in acknowledgement and raised a hand, brushing a few stray hairs back behind Isa's ear before letting his hand travel down to rest on Isa's jaw, thumb rubbing gently at the edge of his scar. “Anytime”, he said, and it felt like a promise.

Isa smiled, letting himself bask in the soft gesture for a while before stepping back, though not without missing the warmth. “We should join the others”, he reminded him.

Xemnas gave him his usual, cryptic smile and nodded. “We should”, he agreed, and Isa finally stepped back through the door.

After all, they still had guests to attempt to entertain, and a whole lot of explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it time to bring back my tradition of posting XemSai for new trailers? Who knows...  
> Also it's almost midnight now so I might edit this again tomorrow


	8. To Be Human

The following morning, Isa found himself waking up way too early – even for him – and unable to fall back asleep. This left him involuntarily going through the events of yesterday in his head; especially his fight with Lea. They hadn't spoken at all after that, and Isa felt that same unwelcome twisting in his stomach that had been a constant during their last few years in the Organization. He sighed deeply and traced Xemnas's collar bone with a finger. He knew they would have to sort things out eventually, but he wasn't about to throw himself at Lea's feet just to make himself feel better. Especially with how Lea seemed to think Isa was in the wrong, when Lea was the one being so unbearably stubborn.

Suddenly, Xemnas stirred with a small noise and blinked sleepily before locking eyes with Isa.

Isa gave him an apologetic smile and kept his voice low as he spoke. “Sorry, I woke you up”.

Xemnas murmured something unintelligible and stretched, one of his hands coming up to stroke Isa's hair. “You've a lot on your mind”, he observed after a moment of silence.

Isa sighed and moved his hand to trace Xemnas's neck and jaw. “Would you believe it's all because of you?” he smiled.

Xemnas smiled back. “I've always considered myself thought-provoking”.

Isa huffed a laugh before his face fell again.

Xemnas cocked his head. “There's no need to be concerned about me”, he said, and Isa shook his head.

“It isn't you I'm concerned about”, he assured him. When Xemnas didn't look at all convinced, Isa sighed and tried to explain his thoughts. “We've all done wrong in the past, but we still got a second chance”. He thought of some of the things he himself had done, and he cringed inwardly at the memory. “So I don't understand why no one seems willing to give you one”, he finished, not meaning to sound as defeated as he did.

Xemnas stayed silent, and Isa had started to think he had gone back to sleep when he finally spoke up. “I have a theory”.

Isa gave him a curious look. “Go on”.

Xemnas nodded, and his eyes seemed oddly distant as he spoke. “It is because I lack the ability to act like a human”. The way he said it made it sound more like a fact than a theory, but Isa supposed he was right. Due to Xehanort's amnesia, Xemnas had no human memories to fall back on except Xehanort's brief time as Ansem's apprentice. This, paired with the air of cold confidence that Xemnas always gave off, made him seem unapproachable. Almost otherworldly.

Isa flexed his fingers against Xemnas's skin and felt a smile tug at his lips. “I don't believe you lack humanity”, he said, and Xemnas raised an eyebrow at the certainty in his voice. Isa hadn't even known he was this certain before the words left his mouth. He nodded, both to Xemnas and to himself. “I think it's buried in your heart and you just need to find it”.

Xemnas huffed with amusement. “And would you help me do that?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. He sounded flippant on the surface, but Isa could pick out the seriousness hidden beneath.

He nodded. “If you want me to”, he confirmed.

Xemnas smiled softly and stroked Isa's hair. “Then, by all means”, he said, and Isa had never heard him sound so completely earnest, “teach me how to be human”.

~~

After a long while of neither of them being able to go back to sleep, Isa and Xemnas  decided to just get on with their day and get out of bed. They ended up on the couch, each with a cup of coffee and enjoying the silence that seemed to only exist when all the others were asleep. Isa's thoughts were still occupied with their previous conversation, and he watched Xemnas out of the corner of his eye.

“We need to work on your smile”, Isa suddenly decided, and Xemnas cocked an eyebrow at him.

“That is an interesting place to start”, he remarked, sounding amused, and his lips stretched into a smile that radiated mystery.

Isa gave him a pointed look. “Exactly”, he said. “You always smile like you know everything and want everyone to be aware of it”.

Xemnas's smile faltered. “Is that a problem?”

Isa shrugged. “I've learned to pick up on the nuances”.

“But others haven't”, Xemnas observed, and Isa nodded in confirmation. Xemnas stayed silent for a long while – long enough to make Isa think he was dropping the subject – before he gave Isa a curious look. “So what do you recommend?”

“Well”, Isa said and crossed one leg over the other, “I'm hardly an expert myself”, he admitted. After all, he had barely smiled at all during the last ten years, and had honestly very rarely felt the urge to. “But”, he continued, “I think you need to smile more with your eyes”.

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. “Because the eyes are a window to the soul, correct?”

Isa nodded, and Xemnas hummed, a shadow of sadness creeping onto his face.

“Then perhaps the first step should be to find out if I-”

“Up early again, I see”.

Isa turned around to glare at Lea, more than annoyed at the interruption. “I'm surprised you've managed to drag yourself out of bed at this hour”, he commented dryly, and Lea huffed.

“I can wake up whenever I want to”, he declared and stalked over to the kitchenette, though not without glaring at Xemnas on the way.

Isa scowled, any remorse he'd had over their argument now gone with the wind. Lea was really being irrationally childish about this whole thing, and Isa would be damned if he would be the first to bend the knee. “Really? I hadn't noticed”.

With how small the apartment was, Isa easily heard what Lea muttered in response.

“Seems to me there's a lot you don't notice”.

Before Isa had come up with a fittingly venomous retort, Xemnas spoke up.

“So what are the plans for today? Another staring contest, perhaps?” he suggested with a humoured lilt to his voice that made Isa throw him a confused glance. What part of this whole situation was funny in any way?

“Actually”, Xion said as she stepped out of her room, “Lea's going to help Roxas with the posters today”.

Lea's face was filled with surprise as he turned around, butter knife in hand. “I am?”

Roxas, who had stopped dead in the doorway to his room, looked equally surprised. “He is?”

“He is”, Xion confirmed. “He can put up posters at tall people height”.

Roxas watched her for another second before he shrugged. “Sounds good to me”.

Lea's eyes flickered between Xemnas and Xion, who smiled and waved her hand.

“There's no need to worry. Keyblade wielder, remember?”

Lea still looked hesitant, but the look soon changed into one of resignation. “Alright”, he agreed, “but come find us if anything happens, okay?”

Xion nodded. “No worries, we'll just follow the posters”, she smiled.

Once Roxas and Lea had had breakfast and disappeared through the door, Xion turned to Isa. “We have something to talk about”, she said and smiled at Xemnas. “If you'll excuse us”.

Xemnas nodded and smiled, but it seemed somewhat strained.

Isa shot him a glance that he hoped didn't look too concerned before he and Xion entered his room and closed the door. Immediately, Xion's face turned serious and she crossed her arms over her chest.

“You should talk things out with Lea”.

Isa nearly groaned in frustration at the reminder. “That was my intent yesterday”, he said and scowled at the memory. “Though _he_ seemed to have other plans”.

Xion watched him closely with a slight tilt to her head. “Have you tried looking at things from his perspective?” she asked, sounding more genuinely curious than judgmental.

Isa huffed and crossed his arms. “I already know his perspective. He's made it very clear from the start”.

Xion hummed. “But maybe there's more to it than you think”. She gave Isa a look and raised an eyebrow. “Because I know there's more to yours than you've told him”.

Isa averted his eyes. He didn't know what to say in response to that.

Xion smiled and gave his arm a pat. “Just think about it, alright?” she said and turned to walk out of the room. Just before she opened the door, she stopped with her hand on the handle and spoke over her shoulder. “Nothing good comes from keeping everything to yourself”, she said, and then she exited the room and closed the door, leaving Isa in a confused silence.

He didn't move until he heard Xion's and Xemnas's voices on the other side of the door. Had Xion taken it upon herself to mediate them all through this ordeal? Isa's lips twitched into a smile and he walked over to the door, intending to go out there and stop Xion from taking on too much responsibility on her own.

But for whatever reason, he hesitated. He had to think for a second before he could pin down that what he was feeling was... curiosity.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he pressed one ear to the door and listened.

 _“You're not afraid of me”,_ he heard Xemnas comment. _“Why?”_

 _“I know you're not invincible. You've been defeated several times already”,_ Xion answered, and Isa smiled at her confidence. She paused for a moment before continuing. _“And I suppose I also owe some part of existing to you; for supporting the Replica project”._

Isa could picture Xemnas's raised eyebrow from the tone of his voice. _“You would feel gratitude toward me for using you for my own gain?”_

 _“I'm not sure what I feel”,_ Xion admitted, _“but regardless of what I think, this is your second chance”._ Another pause. _“And I hope you make the most of it”._

They were quiet for a long moment before Xemnas spoke. _“I hope I do, too”._

Isa felt a pang in his heart at the softness of his voice and the note of uncertainty hidden beneath it. This was the side of Xemnas that Lea refused to believe existed, and the side that made Isa absolutely certain that no matter what others might think, Xemnas deserved redemption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I think about it, the more I realise that Xion truly is the most mature adult in this household


	9. Still More Fighting

Breakfast was a quiet affair as usual, the only conversations being had using meaningful looks that Isa chose not to notice.

“So”, Lea finally drawled, his voice almost jarring after the silence, “anyone got any plans?”

“I was thinking I could stay today”, Roxas said with a glance at Xion that made Isa certain that it was all her idea. Perhaps she was planning to talk to Lea.

Isa smiled despite himself. It was almost funny how the youngest of them seemed the most willing to play the grown-up.

“Alright”, Lea agreed too easily, and Isa immediately shot him a suspicious look, “switching guards sounds like a plan”. Then Lea turned to Isa, an unreadable expression on his face. “Perhaps _everyone_ should switch sometime”.

“ _Lea_ ”, Isa warned him, but Lea disregarded him.

“You know, some fresh air would probably do you good”, he said flippantly. When his eyes met Isa's again, they were narrowed and cold. “It can't be healthy to be _stuck inside_ all the time”.

Isa clenched his fists. “Lea”, he spoke between his teeth, unable to keep the anger out of his voice, “a word”.

Lea rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah”, he muttered as he sauntered unhurriedly to his room.

Isa followed him, closing the door and crossing his arms over his chest. “Do you know what I think?” he asked, and Lea shook his head in an almost exasperated way.

“I feel like I never know what you think”, he muttered, eyes on the floor.

_That goes for the both of us,_ Isa wanted to say, but didn't, instead finishing his earlier thought. “I think you're being too personal regarding all of this”.

Isa's statement made Lea's head snap in his direction, his eyes narrowed into slits. “Oh, _I'm_ too personal?” he repeated incredulously as he gestured wildly with his hands before crossing his arms, voice and expression growing darker. “Let me remind you _again_ of who's the most biased in this situation”.

“Are we seriously doing this again?” Isa asked, feeling his anger quickly giving way to tired resignation. Why did things always have to end up like this? He sighed and shook his head. “Why can't you just be honest with me for once?”

Lea raised his eyebrows. “You want honest?” He let out a hollow huff of a laugh and shook his head. “Well, honestly, I'm pissed off. I thought we were finally patching things up for real...” He paused for a second and then his hands went back to gesturing. “But then _he_ came back and wedged himself between us again”.

Isa narrowed his eyes and felt his hands tighten around his arms. “The only one putting distance between us is you”.

Lea sputtered indignantly as he threw his arm to point accusingly at the closed door. “Because of _him!_ ”

“Because _you_ are refusing to give him a chance!” Isa growled.

Lea gave him an incredulous look before shaking his head. “How can you just take his side like this? Do you seriously not remember what he did?”

“With perfect clarity”, Isa answered immediately. “I also remember what I did...” He fixed Lea with a piercing look. “... And what you did”.

That made Lea visibly shrink back, arms coming up to wrap around himself. “That's different”, he tried to insist, though it was half-hearted. “We had no other choice”.

Isa scowled. “That's a hollow excuse and you know it”. He could tell from Lea's hurt expression that that comment stung, and he winced inwardly with regret. Why did they always end up arguing nowadays?

He thought back to what Xion had said about seeing things from Lea's perspective, and he had an idea. “Before all of this”, he reminded Lea, voice slightly softer now, “you were upset that Even and Ienzo weren't exactly rushing to forgive you”.

Lea seemed to flinch at the mention of their names. Though, his hesitation only lasted for a second before he scowled at Isa. “Yeah well, Xemnas doesn't seem upset, does he?”

Isa's hands tightened around his arms again, and his voice was cold when he spoke. “How would you know? You don't even _glare_ at him long enough to notice”.

Lea stared back, silently, before shifting his weight to one foot and shaking his head. “I know it sounds hypocritical, but I don't think he deserves a second chance”.

Isa met his eyes with cold indifference. “Then that's your decision”, he concluded and turned around to exit the room. Before he could open the door, however, Lea spoke again.

“Will you always choose him over me?”

Isa paused with his hand on the door, taking a deep breath to collect his thoughts. “It may seem that way to you”, he began, slowly turning his head to give Lea one last look over the shoulder, “until you realise that I never chose”.

~~

After Lea and Xion left, the apartment fell silent, unsurprisingly. Roxas wasn't really the talkative type, at least not around Isa, and evidently not around Xemnas either.

Or perhaps that was because Isa hadn't made an honest effort to start a conversation. Isa glanced up from his book to look at Roxas, who had curled up in the armchair.

He seemed to be playing a game on the Gummi Phone, judging by how concentrated he looked and how he sometimes frowned disappointedly down at the screen before that look of concentration returned. Clearly too caught up in his game to appreciate being disturbed by awkward small talk, Isa decided. Though a voice in the back of his head questioned if that was really the case, or if Isa just wanted it to be. In an effort to ignore that voice, Isa turned his attention to Xemnas instead.

At first glance, he simply looked deeply engrossed in the book he was reading, but the little wrinkles between his eyebrows told Isa that he was actually brooding. Excessively so, even for him, which meant that there was something big on his mind.

Isa couldn't help but be curious about what that might be, but he knew that asking Xemnas about something when others might overhear was pointless. He therefore decided to wait until bedtime, when he knew from experience that Xemnas would sometimes let slip little thoughts that had haunted him throughout the day, although it might take some coaxing.

Once nighttime rolled around, however, Isa barely had the time to settle in bed before Xemnas reached out toward him, gently brushing away hair from his face.

“About what Lea said-” Xemnas began, and Isa promptly interrupted him.

“You don't have to listen to him”, he assured him as his brain went through the argument from this morning, trying to remember what exactly Xemnas was talking about.

Xemnas shook his head. “I have trouble telling different feelings apart”, he said, his voice growing more somber, “but one I can recognise is regret”. He met Saïx's eyes with a sad look in his own. “I regret treating you the way I did”.

The raw emotion in that look and in those words made Isa's heart twinge, and he lifted a hand to rest it comfortingly on Xemnas's arm. He knew he needed to say something, but not what. I appreciate your concern? Thank you? Everything he came up with felt wrong. Finally, he settled for a soft smile. “It's all in the past now”.

Xemnas's lips twitched, and the hand still playing with Isa's hair slowly traced its fingers down to his scar. “The past is what shapes the now and the future”.

He had a point. Isa lifted a hand to stroke Xemnas's cheek. If that was the case... “Then that past brought us here, and I wouldn't want it done any other way”.

Xemnas seemed to process those words for a moment before a tiny, hesitant smile pulled at his lips, lighting up his eyes in the most genuinely happy and relieved expression Isa had ever seen on his face.

Isa's heart beat faster and his breath stuttered as he watched, transfixed, his fingers drawing indistinct shapes against the side of Xemnas's face.

Xemnas's eyelids soon began to droop and then shut entirely as his hand slid from Isa's cheek to tangle in his hair and scratch at the nape of his neck.

Isa responded with a delighted hum, his own eyelids fluttering shut, and before he knew it, he had fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's been a lot of stuff going on lately, so I've barely had any time or energy to write fics. But as I've said before, I'm determined to get to the end of this, be it sooner or later~


	10. I Have the High Score

Following their last argument, Lea seemed to go out of his way to spend as little time in the apartment as possible, which suited Isa just fine. The less he had to see of Lea's persistent glares, the better.

Isa felt himself frown at the thought and shifted on the couch. He didn't want to think about Lea, it just made him angry. Instead, he glanced over at Roxas, who was acting as the second “guard” today again, and not looking like he thought it important to put in much effort. At least Roxas and Xion were more relaxed around Xemnas than _certain people_ , and didn't make it their mission to burn holes in him with their eyes.

Speaking of, Isa didn't really know Roxas's thoughts on this whole situation. And as he realised that, he also realised that he hadn’t thought to ask. Perhaps he should, some other time.

“What are you doing?”

Xemnas’s voice and genuine-sounding curiosity snapped Isa out of his thoughts and Roxas out of his tapping.

Roxas gave Xemnas a confused look before turning the Gummi Phone to show him. “I'm playing Classic Kingdom”.

Xemnas tilted his head. “Is it a game?”

“It's loads of games”, Roxas explained and swiped at the screen, making an array of little icons flash past. “I haven't unlocked all of them yet, though”.

Xemnas’s eyes moved from the phone to Roxas and back to the phone. “... Is it fun?”

Roxas shrugged. “I think so”, he said and held out the phone. “D'you want to try?”

Xemnas regarded the phone for a moment before accepting it from Roxas, who shifted in his seat to see the screen. Xemnas tapped on an icon, and Roxas smiled.

“I have the high score on that one. It's one of my favourites”.

Xemnas nodded before his face took on a look of absolute concentration and he started to move his thumbs over the screen.

Beside him, Roxas slowly began to look more and more impressed. “Hey, you're pretty good at this”.

Xemnas, good at a video game? Now Isa was intrigued. He put his book down and leaned closer to see for himself.

On the screen, two cartoony characters who shared an uncanny likeness with Sora and King Mickey were bonking a horde of strange characters upside the head in time with Xemnas tapping some arrows. As he kept going, the horde started to move even faster, until Isa found himself unable to follow what was going on anymore.

“When does this end?” Xemnas asked without taking his eyes off the screen, and he sounded genuinely invested.

Roxas shook his head, his voice a mix of impressed and sheepish. “I don't know, I've never gotten this far”, he admitted.

After what seemed like an eternity of watching the flood of pixelated characters, Xemnas finally seemed to lose the rhythm and they had the honor of seeing Sora and the King splayed on the ground, defeated.

Roxas stared disbelievingly at the numbers on the screen. “You doubled my high-score”, he pouted, although his eyes seemed to harbor a newfound respect. Then he looked up at Isa. “Do you want to try?”

Isa was so surprised by the sudden question that he automatically accepted the phone when Xemnas handed it to him. Well, he supposed he could humour them. He looked down at the device and regarded his options. All of them looked silly, as well as probably at least mildly entertaining. Finally, he just picked one at random, and after about two seconds, his mind was entirely focused on everything that was happening on the screen. Reconnect the pipes, empty the basket, keep track of where all the eggs were going... It almost felt like being back in charge of missions, making sure that everyone did their part to make everything run smoothly. Only this time, he had an actual real-time overview of the whole operation, which helped an awful lot.

At some point, Roxas had moved from his chair to sit beside Isa on the couch to better see what was happening. He now tilted his head and leaned forward to look at both Isa and Xemnas. “... Have you two secretly been good at games this whole time just to crush me like this?” he asked accusingly.

“Definitely”, Isa replied with no hesitation, entirely engrossed in the game. “You should've seen me at the Organization's poker league”. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Roxas's face take on the look of one who was almost certain they were being lied to but desperately wanted to believe it was true.

“Wait, the poker league was real?” he asked incredulously. “And you were in it?”

“When I found myself in the mood”, Isa confirmed as he narrowly saved two eggs from falling to the floor. “And why wouldn't it be real?” he added as an afterthought.

Roxas shrugged. “I only heard about it from Luxord in passing, so I just assumed it was another one of his weird metaphors”. Then he leaned forward to give Xemnas a sceptical look. “Were you in it too?”

Xemnas answered him with a secretive smile. “What do you think?”

“I don't know what to think anymore”, Roxas groaned and flopped back against the backrest.

“ _Fuck_ ”. Isa's sudden outburst made Roxas jerk into a proper sitting position again and Xemnas give him a curious look. Feeling somewhat sheepish of his overreaction, Isa pointed to the phone and the game over screen. “I lost”, he explained while Roxas stared at him silently.

“... I don't think I've ever heard you curse before”, he finally said, and he sounded almost in awe.

“I don't make a habit of it”, Isa explained quickly in an effort to reestablish his calm and collected image.

“Except when you lose”, Xemnas added, and Isa could hear the smile in his voice. Then he made a show of leaning past Isa to murmur conspiratorially to Roxas. “He is an incredibly sore loser”.

Roxas's gaze moved between the two of them and his mouth turned up into a grin. “Somehow, I'm not that surprised”.

Isa could not believe it. He was being _teased._ No matter, he still had the upper hand. “Well, be that as it may...” he began as he casually passed the phone back to Roxas, “good luck beating my high score”.

Roxas looked down at the screen and his face fell instantly. “Good luck, my ass”, he stated after a moment of stunned staring, and Isa felt his lips form a self-satisfied smile.

Winning really did feel great.

~~

It was a rare occurrence to find yourselves entirely alone in such a small apartment. However, since Xion and Lea had yet to return from their errands and Xemnas decided to take a shower, that was exactly what happened.

Isa watched idly as Roxas tried and failed repeatedly to beat their high scores, while Isa himself deliberated over what to do next. There was something he needed to ask Roxas, and he didn't know when else he would get a chance like this. Finally, he decided to just go for it.

“I haven't thought to ask you before”, he began, almost thankful when Roxas hardly glanced up from the game.

“Uhuh?” he prompted, and Isa watched his face closely to gauge his reaction to the upcoming question.

“What do you think of Xemnas?”

Roxas's hands stilled and a pixelated egg fell to the floor of the phone screen, though for the first time, Roxas didn't seem bothered by the game over. He stared down at his hands and took a deep breath. “I think he’s trying”, he said in a more mellow tone of voice as he traced his thumb along his right palm, “just like the rest of us”. He went quiet for a moment before straightening his back and throwing Isa a cocky grin. “And I don't want to brag, but I could totally take him on in a fight if it ever came to that”.

Isa smiled. He was actually growing just a bit fond of Roxas's sporadic bursts of youthful confidence. Especially since he knew that Roxas could actually back up his claims. “No need to worry, then”, he concluded, and Roxas gave him a look that made Isa almost certain that he had caught onto the underlying question.

Roxas nodded. “None at all”, he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter~ <3  
> I've a lot of stuff going on, so I'll probably stick to posting once a month, since that seems to be working out. Thanks for staying with me this long~ <3<3<3  
> Also, I have in fact been thinking about the poker league every day since I first played Days. Oh, Nomura, will you ever tell me the thruth...


	11. Salty but Sweet

Isa watched Roxas's concentrated face, hiding his amusement behind the rim of his mug. “Making progress?” he asked.

Roxas's eyes didn't leave the screen of the Gummi Phone. “I am, actually”, he answered before his eyes widened and he let out a choked 'no!'. He stared at the phone for a moment, and then lowered it with a groan, giving Isa an accusatory glare. “You jinxed it”, he pouted.

Isa took another sip of coffee to mask his smug grin. Beside him, Xemnas shifted in his seat to lean his chin onto his hand.

“Perhaps you should focus on the task and not on the onlookers”, he suggested in a light tone that turned the scolding into a playful remark.

Roxas didn't seem impressed by Xemnas's emerging mastery of tones of voice, however. “I still think you two cheated”, he muttered before restarting the game. As he did, Xion emerged from the kitchen and leaned her elbows onto the back of Roxas's armchair.

“I could try to beat it, if you want”, she offered. “It'll be our team versus theirs”.

“No thanks”, Roxas declined immediately, his eyes glued to the screen. “You'll just beat all my scores and then it'll be me against all of you”.

Xion rolled her eyes with a smile and produced an apple from her pocket, studying it briefly before biting into it. “It's your decision”, she concluded with a shrug.

“You could join our team now, if you want to, Xion”, Isa suggested, mostly to keep distracting Roxas by talking. “It'd be a guaranteed win with the three of us”.

Xion let out a soft laugh. “Nah”, she said, a sparkle of mischief in her eyes, “I can't beat you if we're on the same team, right?”

Isa's reply was interrupted by a knock on the door, and Xion confidently walked over to open, as if she had been expecting someone.

“Hi there, what a pleasant surprise”, she greeted, and Isa could tell that she _definitely_ had been expecting whoever was at the door. She quickly stepped aside, letting Terra, Ventus and Aqua into the apartment.

As he entered, Terra gave her a confused look. “It shouldn't be. We planned this beforehand, remember?”

Isa hid his smile behind his coffee again and Roxas hunched down in his chair while Xion disguised her amusement as a welcoming smile.

“Right, how silly of me”, she agreed.

Aqua turned her attention to Isa and the others and smiled. “We hope this isn't an inconvenience”.

“We thought we could go out for ice cream!” Ventus explained before anyone had the chance to address whether they were inconvenienced or not.

Xemnas stretched his legs where he sat, and smiled. “Then I cannot join you, I'm afraid”, he lamented, but with an almost amused look in his eyes. “I believe the term is that I am 'grounded'”.

“Don't try to be cute”, came Lea's surly voice from behind them, accompanied by the sound of his bedroom door closing. “You're under house arrest and you know it”.

“That's all right, we can eat it here instead”, Aqua amended quickly. “As long as you don't mind, of course”.

Xion smiled brightly and shook her head. “We don't mind at all”, she assured her.

“Exactly”, Roxas agreed, and Aqua gave them a relieved smile.

“That's great”.

“So”, Roxas said and put the phone down onto the coffee table, “who's volunteering for ice cream duty?”

Immediately, Ventus's hand shot into the air. “I'll do it!” he exclaimed excitedly. “I haven't been here much, so I'd love to check the place out. It looks enormous from above!”

Terra laughed and ruffled Ventus's hair. “Sounds like you need someone to keep you from getting sidetracked”.

Ventus tried to pout, but his smile still shone through. “Sounds like you need to have more faith in me”. He looked across the room, positively beaming. “Hey, Isa, do you wanna come with me?”

Those words made Isa feel as if his blood had suddenly frozen solid. He tried to think of something to say, but his mind was at a complete standstill. “I-” he tried and glanced at Xemnas, who was giving him a curious look. Isa knew that he needed to say something, but he had no idea how to explain why the mere thought of leaving drove spikes of dread through his heart. He just couldn't shake the feeling that something bad would happen if he did. “I think I'll decline”, he finally managed. He could only hope that his voice didn't betray his inner turmoil.

At least Ventus didn't seem to pick up on it and just shrugged. “Suit yourself”, he concluded, and then suddenly turned his head toward the door, eyes fixed on a certain spot. “What's that?” he asked, sounding almost spellbound with awe.

Xion followed his line of sight and smiled. “Oh, that's Roxas's skateboard”. When Ventus just gave her a confused look, she elaborated. “You stand on it to go faster and do tricks”.

Her brief explanation made Ventus's eyes light up with understanding. “So it's like my Keyblade Glider!” he exclaimed.

Now Xion was the one looking confused. “Your what?”

“Keyblades can transform into a sort of vehicle”, Terra informed her. “The shape it takes depends on the wielder's personality”.

This concept made Roxas perk up in his chair. “No one ever told me about those”, he commented and scooted forward. “Can I do it, too?” he asked, hopeful eyes darting between Terra, Ventus and Aqua.

Ventus nodded. “You can try. You should be able to do it”.

A sly grin slowly formed on Roxas's face at the confirmation. “And then we can race”.

Ventus met his eyes with an identical grin. “And I'll win”, he stated.

Roxas's grin widened into a confident smirk. “In your dreams”.

The tension was broken by a sigh from Aqua. “Please do think about the world order”, she reprimanded them. “No Keyblade Gliders”. When both Roxas and Ventus opened their mouths to argue, she interrupted them. “Besides, that's something that should be practiced in a safe environment under surveillance of a Master. Gliders can be dangerous if they're not controlled properly”.

The look in Roxas's eyes told Isa that he hadn't taken much of the warning to heart. “So if we went to your world, you could teach me, right?” he asked, excitement at the mere thought written all over his face.

Aqua was clearly trying to remain stern, but she finally caved in at Roxas's genuine enthusiasm. “Perhaps”, she admitted, and Roxas flew up from his seat.

“Awesome!” he exclaimed and rushed to the door, shoving his feet in his shoes and grabbing his skateboard. “Let's go, Ven, it's a race!”

Ventus gave him a confused look. “But Aqua said no Gliders”, he reminded Roxas's back as it disappeared through the door.

They could barely hear Roxas over the sound of his feet thumping down the staircase. “Yeah, but she didn't say no racing!”

Ven stared at the door for a second before he realised what was happening. “Hey, that's cheating!” he shouted and took off, leaving the others to watch the still ajar door and listen to the sound of fading footsteps.

Finally, Xion let out a giggle. “I don't think I've ever seen Roxas that excited”, she commented.

Terra huffed a laugh and shook his head while Aqua pulled the door closed. “Yeah, Ven has that effect on people”.

Xion smiled at him and nodded. “It sure seems like it”.

During the short silence that followed, something in Isa's brain suddenly reminded him that their guests had been standing by the door since they came. Isa hadn't known either of them for that long, technically, but considering their overall manners, he concluded that they would probably stay standing until asked to do otherwise. “You're more than welcome to sit down”, he offered.

Terra blinked, looking almost taken aback. “Ah yes, thank you”, he said hurriedly, giving the impression that he hadn't even realised where his progress had been halted. He and Aqua finally advanced out of the entryway and sat down beside Isa on the sofa, and Isa felt like a slightly more accomplished host.

Lea, who had been standing still behind the sofa since he entered the room, sauntered over to plop down in what had by now become known as 'Roxas's chair'. “So how've you been since last time?” he asked as he tucked a foot underneath his other leg, twisting slightly to find the optimal position.

Aqua sighed and studied her hands on her lap. “It's strange, not having the Master there”, she admitted, “but we're getting along all right”.

Terra nodded. “We're figuring things out”, he agreed.

Isa felt his lips pull into a smile. “Like us, then”.

Beside him, Xemnas nodded sagely. “There is much more effort that goes into being human than one would expect”, he stated, words heavy with wisdom and with an undertone that Isa couldn't quite place.

Across from them, Lea furrowed his brow and looked about to say something in response, when there was another knock at the door.

Xion, who was still standing in the entryway, flashed a big smile before whirling around and opening the door.

A blonde head peeked through the door and Naminé smiled softly. “We were promised ice cream?”

“That's right! Roxas and Ven just went to fetch it”, Xion confirmed and moved back to let Naminé enter, followed by Riku and Kairi.

Lea leaned over the arm of the chair to peer beyond the door. “No one else with you? We're not entirely sold out yet”, he joked.

Naminé shook her head with a small giggle. “No, they're busy”.

Lea shrugged, and a dark look that Isa was growing incredibly tired of passed over his features. “Figures. Lots of stuff to fix after-”

“Hi, guys”, Kairi interrupted him without blinking and gave Isa and the others a wave. “It's nice to see you all again”.

Isa wouldn't even want to deny the satisfaction he got from seeing Lea's face at being interrupted. Were he any less of a person, he just might even have wished to have a picture of it framed and hung on the wall. He smiled at the thought. He almost wished he were lesser of a person, just to have that face framed.

Considerate as ever, Aqua smiled and scooted closer to Terra to make more room on the couch. “It's nice to see you too, Kairi. How's your Keyblade training coming along?”

Kairi made a face as she walked over and joined them of the sofa. “I'm working on it, but I'm still nowhere near a Master's exam”, she said.

“That's alright”, Terra assured her with a confident smile. “Your time will come as long as you keep training”.

Kairi laughed and nodded. “Yeah, you're right”. Then she turned to Lea, a slight tilt to her head. “What about you, Lea? I haven't seen you at Master Yen Sid's in a while”.

Now that she mentioned it, Lea hadn't even talked about his Keyblade training for the past couple of weeks, and he had definitely not left to go see Yen Sid, as far as Isa was aware.

Lea looked guilty for a second before throwing Xemnas an accusatory look. “I kind of have my hands full at the moment”, he said, and Isa felt his jaw tense. Lea wouldn't _have_ his hands full if he could just admit that he was wrong _,_ but that was apparently _incredibly difficult_ for him.

While Xion, Riku and Naminé perched themselves on some stools that Xion had brought from the kitchen, Kairi crossed her arms and pursed her lips. “That's a shame, I miss having someone to spar with. And no, Riku, you don't count”, she added instantly and gave Riku a stern look. “You hold back too much”.

Riku closed his mouth – which he had opened to object – and scratched the back of his head. “Well, sorry about that”, he offered, and Kairi rolled her eyes.

“Sure you are”, she teased before sighing. “At least Lea doesn't have to pull his punches, since we're at about the same level”.

That comment made Naminé giggle and Isa hide yet another smile behind his now almost cold coffee.

Lea, however, frowned. “... Hey, wait just a minute”. His objection was followed by a muffled chorus of barely held back snorts and giggles, and he crossed his arms with a pout. “Whatever, man”, he mumbled. Then he, along with everybody else present, turned toward the still ajar door, from which came the sound of shuffling feet and gasping breaths.

They heard a wheezing laugh and then either Roxas or Ven – Isa honestly could not tell their voices apart – spoke up. “Victory... is... mine”.

Whoever it was was answered by an equally breathless voice. “I never said... way back... was a race...”

“You never... said it... wasn't!” With that last word, the door flew open and Ventus stumbled through, instantly reaching for the wall for support. “Now... score's 1-1”, he gasped. Then he looked up and flashed a victorious grin. “Hi, guys”.

Naminé smiled and gave a small wave. “Hi, Ven”.

Behind him, Roxas doubled over in the doorway and groaned, clutching his skateboard. “Only 'cause... you made me carry... everything”. He raised his eyes from the floor, and immediately straightened his back when he saw Riku. “Almost didn't think you'd come”, he commented dryly, his cool demeanour dented by his strained breathing and by how heavily he was leaning against the doorframe.

“I figured I might as well”, Riku said noncommittally and instantly received a very stern look from Kairi and Naminé, making him visibly shrink down into himself. “... Actually, I came because I wanted to talk to you”, he amended, and Kairi and Naminé exchanged satisfied looks.

Roxas's face, however, remained a passive stone mask. “Don't you think there's someone else you should talk to first?” he questioned.

Riku didn't seem too affected by Roxas's cold behaviour and just nodded before answering calmly. “I already have. We worked everything out”.

That made Roxas glance at Xion, who nodded encouragingly. Roxas frowned, and then he shrugged. “Alright, we'll talk”, he agreed before handing the shopping bag to Ventus. “Don't eat it all without me, you hear?” he warned, and Xion smiled brightly.

“We won't”, she promised while Naminé and Kairi nudged Riku to get up from his seat and follow Roxas through the apartment door. The door closed and Xion walked over to grab the bag from Ventus. “I'll just put these in the freezer while we wait”, she smiled and ducked into the kitchenette.

Ventus joined the others and perched on the armrest of the sofa, and Isa realised just how many more people were present than this apartment was meant to hold.

Xion returned to her stool, and silence fell over the crowded room.

That was to be expected, Isa supposed, since many of them hardly actually knew the others. And also, he thought with a frown, the ones who knew each other had often not had the most pleasant of interactions.

A slight movement to his side caught Isa's eye and brought his attention to Terra's face, resting on his hand. He looked incredibly deep in thought, with a slight frown that reminded Isa of Xemnas's brooding face. Suddenly, Terra nodded decisively – seemingly to himself – and spoke.

“Xemnas”, he began, making everybody turn to look at him and Isa's heart pause with trepidation. He leaned forward to look past Isa at Xemnas, and his face looked completely earnest as he posed his question. “Will I look like you when I get older?”

Xemnas seemed taken aback by the question for a moment before his lips curved into his mysterious smile. “Would that be a bad thing?” he countered, a humoured glint in his eyes.

Terra's little thinking frown returned and then smoothed over almost instantly as he came to his conclusion. “I guess not”, he said with a smile.

Isa couldn't help but glance at Lea, and the almost comical look of utter shock on his face made him glad he did.

Lea opened his mouth, closed it, and then scratched at his temple. “You... seem to be taking this pretty well”, he murmured, and Isa got the feeling that Lea himself didn't even know whether he wanted them to hear him or not.

Terra blinked at him in surprise. “I don't see why not”, he said. “I've never worried much about my appearance, anyway”.

That comment made Isa's lips twitch and a hushed giggle sound among the others.

Lea huffed a laugh and shook his head with a small smile. “Yeah. I guess you don't”.

The door chose that moment to open and Riku and Roxas stepped inside, immediately gaining everybody's full attention. They both stopped in their tracks at seeing a room of people staring expectantly at them, and then Roxas shrugged.

“We're sort of cool for now”, he announced, making Kairi, Naminé and Xion smile proudly.

“That's great to hear”, Naminé said with a small nod.

Xion nodded in agreement and grinned. “I think this calls for some ice cream”, she decided and slid off her stool to scurry to the kitchen.

Roxas watched her walk past with a look of amused disbelief. “We were gonna have ice cream anyway”, he reminded her.

“Not you two, if you didn't make up”, Kairi informed him. Beside her, Naminé nodded sagely in confirmation.

Roxas's face fell into a pout. “That's not fair”, he muttered.

Kairi just kicked her legs and smiled sweetly. “Then aren't you glad you made up?”

Roxas opened his mouth but paused when Xion returned and placed an ice cream in his hand. He regarded it for a moment before pouting at it. “I guess”, he admitted and immediately took a bite.

Xion, Kairi and Naminé shared a triumphant look, and Isa smiled. He had a feeling that whatever the issue, those three would get their way sooner or later.

He accepted the ice cream that Xion handed to him and was just about to bite into it when he glanced at Xemnas.

Xemnas was regarding his own ice cream with a small, brooding frown, and Isa was hit with the realisation that Xemnas had probably never had ice cream. After all, when would he have had the time for that, being so immersed in Xehanort's grand scheme?

Suddenly irrationally excited about this fact, Isa watched as Xemnas lifted the ice cream, hesitated, and then shaved off a small corner with his teeth.

Xemnas tilted his head in thought before frowning disappointedly. “I thought ice cream was supposed to be sweet”, he complained with what was very nearly a pout.

Not having expected that reaction, Isa had to struggle to keep a straight face – especially when he heard barely held-back giggles behind him. “It's sea-salt ice cream”, he informed Xemnas, “so it's both sweet and salty”.

Xemnas gave the ice cream a dubious look before tasting it again, a concentrated look on his face. He frowned, gave the ice cream a quick lick, and frowned even deeper. “More salty than sweet, I'd say”.

A snort caught Isa's attention and he looked up just in time to see Lea turn away his face while covering his mouth. He was smiling though, Isa could see it in his eyes, and it made a spark of hope light up in his heart. Maybe, just maybe, life could finally become bearable one day.

“Alright, we'll get you another flavour next time”, Xion promised, almost managing to disguise her amusement.

“That would be appreciated”, Xemnas responded, looking rather relieved.

Meanwhile, Roxas's eyes were travelling between his own empty ice cream stick and Xemnas's still very much uneaten ice cream with a calculating look. “I could finish that for you, if you don't want it”, he offered gallantly.

Instantly, Xemnas's grip tightened around the stick. “Who says that I don't want it?” he challenged and bit into his ice cream, immediately wrinkling his nose in distaste and causing another ripple of giggles to travel through the room.

“Your face does”, Roxas pointed out with a grin.

Xemnas's little almost-pout returned, along with a look of determination. “Be that as it may, I shall be finishing this”, he vowed, and he then proceeded to do just that, although it cost him a considerable amount of time and just a smidge of dignity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled: The chapter in which Roxas partakes in strategic interactions because who was I even kidding when I thought I'd be able to focus solely on Isa's and Xemnas's relationships...  
> I wanted to post this on XemSai day but I didn't finish in time :/ Though, honestly, every day is XemSai day in my heart <3


	12. Confrontation

“So. It's been, what, two weeks now?”

Isa gave Lea a measured look. It wasn't hard to guess what he was talking about. Especially when he was cornering Isa in his own room. “I suppose it has”, he confirmed, wondering where exactly Lea was planning on taking this.

His unspoken question was answered when Lea closed the door behind himself and crossed his arms over his chest with an accusatory look. “So when were you going to tell me that you two are sleeping together?”

Isa simply watched him, unimpressed. “I might, if we were”, he deadpanned.

Lea clicked his tongue in annoyance. “I’m not saying you’re, like, fucking”, he said, pausing for a second before adding, “and if you are, _please_ keep that to yourself, ‘cause my room’s right next to yours”.

Now this was simply too good an opportunity to pass up on. Isa raised an eyebrow with a smug, lopsided grin. “Then yes, we are _definitely_ fucking”.

Lea let out a deeply pained groan and shook his head. “Isa, please, I’m trying to be concerned here”, he complained.

“What’s there to be concerned about?” Isa growled, instantly feeling his body begin to fill with rage. “That he’s _dangerous_? You know as well as I do that he hasn't tried _anything_ all this time!”

“No, it’s...” Lea trailed off, and when he spoke again, his voice was much softer. “You’re my friend, Isa. You’re my best friend”. He looked Isa in the eyes, and he looked lost. “I just... I don't want you to stare yourself blind at something that turns out not to be there”, he finished meekly.

Isa watched Lea’s gaze flicker around nervously, and realisation dawned on him. “You’re afraid I’ll get my heart broken”, he concluded.

“I mean...” Lea began, looking if possible even more lost, and scratched the back of his head almost sheepishly. “... Yeah”.

Isa felt his expression soften at the admission. That would explain a lot about how Lea had been acting. Isa suddenly remembered his own thoughts from their first argument about Xemnas: _“Trust goes both ways”._ Seeing as Lea had told him at least part of the truth, it was only fair for Isa to do the same.

“... I asked him to sleep in my bed”, he said, voice low and eyes drifting off to the side. “I’d been having trouble sleeping since I was recompleted. Having him there helps”. Admitting all of that made Isa feel exposed, and more vulnerable than he'd like. He was half expecting a ridiculing jab or a snarky comment in response, but none came. And when he finally willed his gaze to return to Lea, all he saw was concern.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lea asked, voice low.

Isa averted his eyes again. “I suppose... I didn’t want to worry you”.

The corners of Lea's mouth twitched into an attempt at a smile. “Typical. Though I guess I wouldn't have been much help anyway, right?”

In an effort to lighten the mood, Isa smiled and crossed his arms. “With how bony you are? I'd be covered in bruises”.

Lea looked almost relieved as he smirked. “If you'd even survive the night”, he winked.

“Wouldn't want to accidentally stab myself on your elbow”, Isa retorted, and Lea sighed theatrically.

“Now how would I explain that to the authorities?” Then his smile faded and he shook his head. “I've been an asshole”, he said, voice full of regret.

Isa nodded. “Definitely. A stubborn asshole. But”, he broke off and sighed, “so have I”. He really had, even though he rather childishly hadn't wanted to admit it.

Lea let out an amused huff and held out a hand. “Then let's make a deal. I'll be less of an asshole from now on, both to you and to him”.

Isa nodded, relief flooding his entire being. “Then I'll be less of an asshole to you”, he promised and raised his own hand.

Before their hands could meet, though, Lea suddenly pulled his hand back. “Just to be clear: this doesn't mean I trust him”, he added.

Isa simply smiled. Lea would come around sooner or later. He always did. “That's alright”, he said. “I'll trust him for you”.

They held out their hands again, before instinctively faking going in for a handshake and instead turning it into a high-five. Lea laughed and Isa smiled at the familiar gesture, and he felt in his heart that this was a turning point for the both of them.

~~

Isa hadn't fully realised how much the constant fighting with Lea had been wearing him down until after their talk. He felt almost lightheaded, in a similar way to how he felt when he snapped out of his berserk state after a fight. Fulfilled, relaxed, as if a huge weight had been lifted off of him and his body was hovering above the ground. But the loss of that weight gradually made him aware of something else hidden beneath it. Something that had been quietly nagging at the back of his mind ever since that night he and Xemnas had talked about being human.

He looked over at Xemnas, who looked as perfect as always, just as Isa remembered him. Only now, he walked with less deadly intent, and his smile didn't scream of secret schemes. But with every change Xemnas went through, the little voice in the back of Isa's head grew louder and more insistent.

_Would the Xemnas Isa remembered really be this willing to change?_

Xemnas chose that moment to glance up from his book and raise an eyebrow in question at Isa's intense look, and Isa felt his mouth begin to speak without consulting his better judgement.

“Can you tell me something?”

Xemnas nodded, a soft smile tugging at his lips and lighting a tiny spark in his eyes. “I can try”.

Isa took a deep breath and finally blurted out the question that had been eating at him for so long. “Are you... really you?”

Xemnas looked back at him, and the little spark in his eyes was put out by a sudden wave of sadness. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and his tone uncertain. “I would like to think so”.

~~

Isa felt his heart sting with guilt as he carefully untangled himself from Xemnas that night. Although he had made an effort to disguise it, Xemnas had clearly still been upset about Isa's question when they went to bed, and it was keeping Isa awake. That, and the question itself.

He closed the door carefully and made his way to the coffee table in the dark, feeling around on the smooth surface until his fingers bumped into what he was looking for. The light from the Gummi Phone screen was almost blinding, but Isa managed to dial the right number and put the phone to his ear. After what would probably be considered an obnoxious amount of beeps, a clearly sleepy and annoyed someone finally picked up.

“Isa, do you know what time it is?”

Isa breathed a small sigh of relief and nodded. “Yes, and I need to ask you for a favour”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's now 02.02.2020, which means it's been exactly one year since I finished KHIII for the first time and consequently snorted a noodle up my nose because of crying. So what better time to post than now? ;)  
> Regarding the story, it's time to get heavy and existential around here. We've had our fun, now let's mosey ;)


End file.
